Category Archives: @samfeasor

.girl gone mild.

Today is one of Those Days.  I’ve got a major case of anxiety, which I’m tracing back to the earthquake in Haiti – natural disasters which devastate large groups of already-impoverished people inevitably lead to me to question why bad things happen, why things like this are out of our control, what we can do, why any sort of God or Universe or what have you would allow it.  BUT, because I can think of nothing more loathsome and offensive than whining about how an earthquake in Haiti has really ruined MY day, dammit, I’m gonna gather up all that anxiety into a tight little ball in my stomach, roll it around until it’s shiny and smooth, warm it up until it’s something good and hopeful, and offer it as a little glowing prayer for all the people who could use one of those right about now.

Oh, and I’m gonna donate.  (In case you haven’t heard, texting “HAITI” to 90999 will automatically donate $10 to the Red Cross; texting “YELE” to 501501 sends $5 to wyclef jean’s Yele Foundation; and if you go to the Red Cross website you can donate using your one-click Amazon setup if you have one.  Technology used for good, not evil.  Melikes.)

And though it seems somewhat crass to do a blah blah blah update when there are so many more important things happening in the world, I haven’t updated in about a month and this is the time I set aside for it, so.

I was at my parents’ house for Christmas this year.  It was really lovely, and I was blown away by the thoughtfulness of the gifts I received.  It seemed like my parents and siblings and I all really put a lot of thought into what we wanted to give/do for one another this year.  My parents got me a Connecticut Journal (newspaper) dated December 23, 1793 featuring articles by George Washington and John Adams… I almost couldn’t breathe when I opened it.  (My initial response, actually, was to scream, “WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING ME NICE THINGS?!?!?!  I DO NOT FEEL ADULT ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF A RELIC OF AMERICAN HISTORY!!!”)

(I’ve since calmed, and discovered that all I really need to do is frame it on archival quality matboard and under special UV-protectant glass.  Phew.)  But yea, fucking amazing gift.

I also received the Lomo LC-A+ I’d been lusting after, and – hilariously – a still-functional Teddy Ruxpin, which my mom found for me on ebay in order to shut me up, because I’ve been complaining to her since I was five years old that I never had one even though my cousin did.  (We couldn’t afford one when I was a kid… and I’ll tell you, I wept countless bitter tears over that fact, as only a particularly dramatic elementary-schooler can.)  Thankfully, this gift means that my own children will never have to experience the privation of going through life without an animatronic talking bear around to tell them stories before bedtime.

New Years Eve was spent in fairly pathetic fashion, hanging out at home with my parents.  (Not that it’s pathetic to hang out with one’s parents, but y’know, I’m 26 years old and I nearly fell asleep before the ball dropped.  So.  Loserville.  That’s all I’m saying.)  We were supposed to spend NYE nestled up in a cabin in the mountains, but alas, there was a snowpocalypse which left an icy residue 6 inches thick on the driveway leading to said cabin, so it was a no-go.  All my siblings spent the evening out on the town with their significant others, so it was just me and the ‘rents.  I think my mom and I watched a House marathon until about 11:55 – or was it an SVU marathon?  I don’t know, so many marathons – and then we all drank a little champagne and went to bed.

Though not before I made my typically long list of resolutions, of course.  While I have made a habit of sharing my resolutions in the past (in other, earlier reincarnations of this blog) I’ve had the resultant experience of being roundly mocked for them by, ahem, some.  (Yea, I’m looking at you, Grant.)  Do some of them tend to be a little overly-earnest?  Sure – but then, so do I.  In any case, they pretty much come down to one thing, which I guess is kinda my theme for the year: Fuck Being Comfortable.  So.  We’ll see how that goes.

A few days after New Years, I flew back home, lil sis in tow.  As you may recall, Sis was supposed to come visit me for a week following her high school graduation last spring, but was waylaid by a two-week-long hospital stay. So, this was sort of her make up trip.  Because of school, she could only stay for 4 full days, but we had a great time.  We went to museums, I took her to see Wicked, we lounged around baking cookies and drinking hot chocolate… it was equal parts fun and relaxing.  She and I don’t get to spend all that much time together – she was only 10 when I moved away to go to college, and we haven’t lived in the same city since – so it was nice to get some one-on-one sister time in.  Unfortunately, Finn was away at school for most of the week, but they got to do a little last minute bonding as well.

What else what else what else…  Oh!  I saw Avatar in IMAX 3-D, which was fantastic.  It was much more subtle than most 3-D movies I’ve seen (with the notable exception of Coraline, which was the first I’d seen that didn’t try and constantly bombard you with gimmicks, Jack-in-the-Box style, but instead used the technology to gentle, scene-enhancing effect).  Avatar’s story was so-so – kind of a Pocahontas meets Fern Gully in Space thing, with no real surprises – but it was just so pretty.  My pal @samfeasor does a much better job of dissecting it here (“Why Avatar Didn’t Suck Like I Thought it Would”) for anyone who’s interested in reading her queer, gamer-girl, tech-savvy take on the whole thing.

And so that pretty much brings us up to this week.  Finn is still out of town for school, but she got called back for a birth Monday night, and we had time for a quick lunch yesterday afternoon before she had to head back.  I had seen her two days earlier, over the weekend, but there’s something nice about seeing someone special when it’s unexpected.  I got all googily.

Last night I hung out with QS.  We’ve been going through some stuff, friendship-wise, finally working out some unspoken shit we’ve been carrying around for too long, and we’re making a more concerted effort to spend good quality time together as a result of that work.  Last night we cooked dinner and drank too much wine (or I did, anyway) and had an impromptu dance party in her living room.  It was a good night.  I only wish there were pictures…

This week I’m hanging out with Gem, writing, running a million errands, and getting the house ready for K&J, who are visiting for the weekend.  I think I’m going to have to give them better names, they show up in this blog more than I’d anticipated.  Hmm.  Okay.  I dub them Bert and Ernie.  (Everyone knows Bert and Ernie were gay, right?  It’s perfect!)  Ha.

– Pomegranate, Whose heart is still sad

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Filed under @samfeasor, anxiety, Finn, Gem, Grant, manythanks, memories, nerdiness, new leaf, QS, The Fam

.worthwhile, remotely.

Maybe Twitter is eating my brain, but I’ve felt utterly unable to come up with anything even remotely worthwhile to post here lately.  (Could be Twitter… could be SWINE FLU AHHHHH!!!!!!!!)  I make no promises that this will be “remotely worthwhile” but I promise there will be some words.  And maybe a picture.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty busy.  I actually wish I had taken the time to write some of it down, because I can’t really remember what it is I’ve been up to.  Lots of running around in the sunshine (!!!) and spending time with lovely people last weekend.  Finn and I spent the first half of Saturday with her good friend (and co-midwife) and her husband and their 4 (FOUR) sons, all under the age of eight (FOUR UNDER EIGHT!).  I admire them so much – they are some of the most relaxed and laid back parents I’ve ever seen.  (My future children should envy that, because I get the feeling I am going to be a little more uptight than that in my parenting… ah well, something to aspire to.)  And the boys are incredibly adorable and kind and all around wonderful.  It was so much fun to just sit in their kitchen and nibble on food and talk while a whirwind of children ebbed and flowed around us.  Reminded me of how insane my house was when I was growing up, actually.  An example of their adorable kindness: they were outside playing truth or dare for a while, and all the dares involved things like coming up to one of us and saying, “You look really nice today,” or, “Daddy, I love you so much.”  Warmed my heart, I tell ya.

Finn and I spent the rest of the day in Plymouth, seeing sights and walking along the waterfront and just generally enjoying the beautiful weather.  I bought a huge set of iron keys on a ring from an antique store that was going out of business.  I’m not sure why or what I’m going to do with them, but I have a soft spot for keys without locks…

Work has been insane lately, lots of deadlines and hearings and appeals.  Still going through the “I can’t believe this is my life, why did I ever choose to become an attorney” thing about once every three days.  I just feel so young and inexperienced to be trusted with these very real problems that have very real consequences in my client’s lives.  I’m going to say the thing that no one around me seems to be saying, though I can’t be the only one thinking it: this amount of responsibility is overwhelming, and many days I am scared shitless.  Granted, none of my clients are going to end up in jail (see i.e. Cali’s job as a public defender) but if I screw up or drop the ball or don’t advocate as zealously as I possibly can, they may end up homeless, or hungry, &etc.  And sure, sometimes that happens even when I do everything right and work as hard as I can.  But I don’t feel okay about it even then.  I just never ever ever want to let any of them down, so I have to be on top of things all the time.  And since there’s only one of me and 40-50 of them at any given moment… well, it feels like a lot.  Anyone else feel occasionally (or often) terrified of their job and willing to admit it?  It’d make me feel a lot better… ha.

Okay, complaining about my job was not my intention when I started writing this post.  I’ve just been feeling overwhelmed lately and haven’t had much time to process that.  Oooookay, gotta shake it off and get into a better mental place:

That one never fails to get a giggle out of me.

Okay, so it was a long week.  But!  This weekend!:

Friday

Invited to dinner and a concert, totally ditching to stay home alone and relax.  Hermit FTW!

Saturday

Wake Up The Earth festival in JP

Saturday Seder @samfeasor’s

Sunday

Finn/Pom lazy morning (most likely will include bacon)

Dinner with one of my best friends from law school who I hardly ever get to see any more (super excited)

…can we postpone Monday?

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Filed under @samfeasor, anxiety, Finn, ohmygod i'm a lawyer, type A personality: check

.did you know?.

Apologies for the lack of posting lately – I’ve been alternately exhausted and avoiding the internet.  However, saw this video today and it kind of blew my mind (and explained both why I feel like I might have ADD, and also why I often feel much less intelligent and capable than my forebears):

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Kind of mind-boggling, yes?  Makes me feel slightly overwhelmed, but a little better for not being as well-versed in lifethings as I feel I ought.  Who could know all that, right?  (She tells herself…)

Anywho, I digress.   What have you missed, what have you missed…  well, last week was insanity.  Had a brief due by Friday afternoon that took over my life, though in the end it was actually pretty fun to write.  (It was an appeal of an Administrative Law Judge’s decision, and it was easily one of the worst-written decisions I’ve ever seen.  Also, the Judge inserted snarky footnotes throughout, several of which blatantly insulted the Decision Review Board, to whom I was addressing my appeal.  Good times.)

Weekend was fabulous.  We’re finally getting some decent weather ’round these parts – I’m pointedly ignoring next week’s forecast of ice/snow early in the week – and I spent most of Saturday outside.  First I went to the local library and got a library card, because I’ve been recycling books on my bookshelf lately and am desperate for some new material.  After that, however, I went on a hike with QS (who I haven’t mentioned here yet because we’ve not been hanging out as much since I moved out of the city proper…) and had a picnic.  We also ran errands (yay new watch!) and – because we are eerily suburban at times – skipped around a mall for a while.  (Tried on some hipster clothes while we were there.  My first pair of skinny jeans.  No, I did not buy, I could never pull that look off, but it did lead to some hysterical laughing in the Forever 21 dressing room.  Aannnnnnnd there’s a sentence I hope to never type again.)

Sunday I spent most of the day in my PJs, in bed, reading and watching movies.  I needed some recovery time following the week of insanity (and the excursion into Forever 21).  That evening, went on a fabulous dogwalk with Cali, and then off to dinner with @samfeasor, my old roommate, whom I adore and don’t see often enough.  (She gets that nickname for being a twitter addict… and for the record, I blame my own addiction on her, because I wouldn’t even know twitter existed if it weren’t for her.)

Wow I’m rambling.  That’s what you really missed, eh?  :P

This week is looking less crazy than last, thankfully.  I spent about 4 hours at the local Social Security office today, because beauracracy is slow and stupid and doesn’t care that I have better things to do.  I was super grumpy when I got back to my office, but then I checked my mailbox and saw that I got a favorable decision for one of my clients who DESPERATELY needed the benefits, so – just like that! – life was good again.

Now if only Finn would come home… Cali mocked me for being so vocal about missing her, but honestly, things are just better when she’s around.  It’s not like I’m a pile of jello when she’s gone – can we talk about how I’m actually cooking for myself, which was previously unheard of?!?!? – but there’s a reason I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl.  She lights me up.

3 more days…

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Filed under @samfeasor, anticipation, Cali, Finn, ohmygod i'm a lawyer, QS, sunshine, vidjas