Category Archives: manythanks

.and then everything went quiet for a very long time.

I have no idea where the last 6 months went.

I remember, about three months ago, Grant asked me why I hadn’t blogged recently and I said, “I just haven’t had much to say.  I should get back to it, though.”  And then another three months went by, and no blogging, and now it feels like I’m writing from beneath a whole lot of accumulated dust.  But now I guess I’m back.  (Warning: there may be sneezing.  Bear with me.)

The last 6 months have been eventful, but not in any sort of big, What I Did on My Summer Vacation kind of way.  That is, I’m not sure what to write to catch up.  Mostly I’m kicking myself because I don’t remember much, and if I had been writing it down as I went (the whole POINT of this blog in the first place!) then it would all already be there.  But it isn’t.

Finn and I are great.  She went to Indonesia for 2 months (last long trip for a while, she’s promised) which was… long… but she’s back and things are just really, really good with us.  We didn’t get married in the last 6 months, but we did spend an excessive amount of mental energy negotiating what our ceremony should look like, if any, and what our party should look like, if any.  We even went to therapy for a while, and paid a not-small sum of money to a neutral third party to weigh in.  And we still haven’t got it all figured out.  Mostly we’ve worked out the ceremony and celebration issues, actually – now it’s mostly a matter of timing.  At this point, we’re both so sick of it that we just want to be MARRIED already, but it’s never quite that easy…

(I’m told straight people have more wedding drama than this, even, and I’m beginning to think it’s amazing that anyone, anywhere, ever, gets married.)

Work is good.  Like most jobs, I think, it has its pros and cons.  Pros: job security, good pay, good benefits, flexible schedule, low stress, solid group of friends.  Cons: boring, boring, so so boring, and not the kind of law I really want to be practicing.  It’s the kind of job where the days are long and the weeks fly by.  My work-friends and I have learned to solve this problem with multiple coffee breaks per day, which seems to keep us in good enough spirits that we muddle through.  Despite the cons, I think I’m going to be at this job for a LONG time.  It’s the golden handcuffs problem – how can I leave a steady job that pays well and is low-stress, just because I don’t find it exciting enough?  So here I am.  And I’m grateful for it.

Oh, and did you see what I wrote up there?  Work-friends – I have friends!  Put out into the universe that I needed them, and suddenly Finn and I are surrounded by good people on all sides.  So at least that last blog entry came full circle.

On the other hand, my family is insane.  This was not a good Christmas – the first not-good Christmas I can remember (which I suppose I should also be thankful for).  Lots of fighting.  Some just normal big-family-fighting, some a little more serious.  Nothing to do with me, thank God, but I think it’s only a matter of time before shit hits the fan and things start to get messy around here.  There were definitely some things that happened this Christmas that crossed lines that can’t be uncrossed, and now we’re just kind of waiting for the fallout.  Everyone’s keeping it together for the holiday, but I’m not really looking forward to what the New Year is bringing on this front.  I don’t think it’s going to be good.

Yeah, cryptic.

Okay, so that part of next year might suck, but otherwise I do have really high hopes.  I am in a much better place – emotionally, financially – hell, with my gym membership, even physically – than I was this time last year.  I love my girlfriend, I love my friends, I love where I live.  So, here’s to a really good 2011.  And hopefully, to less radio silence and more blogging…

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Filed under anticipation, eagle death roll, Finn, Grant, love, manythanks, marriage, navel-gazing, new leaf, The Fam

.happiness is two kinds of ice cream.

This is me.

Happy.  :)

Work is going well.  Really well, actually.  Chief Judge telling me “You’re already better than half the attorneys on staff and I think you should think seriously about becoming a Judge in a few years” kind of well.

The windows are open, the weather is gorgeous.  I hope it holds.  Finn and I splurged on some patio furniture for our deck, which should be arriving this week or next, and I am pumped.  I have this dream of waking up Saturday mornings, taking my tea onto the deck, and whiling away the day reading.  Also, we’re planning on lots of outdoor dinners, and it’ll be great when we have friends or family over.  We’ve been here for 7 months, but we’re finally getting into gear and making this place feel more like a home.

Finn’s brother and sister-in-law and the baby (who I should probably start referring to as “the toddler,” because (a) she walks and talks and (b) she’s SO TALL for her age) are coming in a few weeks.  I think one of my brothers and his girlfriend and her son (also young-but-not-a-baby) are coming in June.  July is my birthday.  We’ve got a wedding in late July, and another in early August to attend.  (What about our wedding, you ask?  Excellent question; no answers forthcoming.  We’ll get to it eventually, we’re in no rush.)  Anyway, what I mean to say is: there is a lot to look forward to.  Things are good.  I am happy.

Sometimes it’s hard to post when you’re happy – and busy – but I’m still here, alive and well.  Hoping the same for you, wherever you are!

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Filed under Finn, love, manythanks, marriage, new leaf, ohmygod i'm a lawyer, stuff pomegranates like, sunshine, the beauty of the in-between, The Fam

.out of the darkness and into the workforce.

Yup: I am, once again, joining the ranks of the full-time employed!  As those of you who have followed my sad little unemployment saga know, this is a HEE-YUGE relief.  March brings us to Month Seven of my unemployment, and it was beginning to feel like I would never get a job… I was okay at fending off discouragement most days, but I’m not sure how much deeper that well of optimism ran.  Suffice to say, this is awesome timing.

I’ll be working for the federal government, which will be an interesting turn for the girl who has only ever done legal services work.  It being the Fed, I probably won’t give too many details about my job, but I think it’ll be interesting work that keeps me challenged and interested.  (Now if we could just get Congress to overturn DOMA so that when Finn and I get married she could be on my health insurance, that’d be greaaaat.  Obama’s executive order stopped just short of that, and I am not happy.  You hear me, Mr. President?  Not.  Happy. At. All.)

But today is not the day to let discrimination rain on my parade.  I am employed, it is a job I think I’ll enjoy, and I no longer have to live in a state of constant fear that I’m not going to be able to pay my bills.  It’s a good day.

Before I go, I’d like to give a slow-clap shoutout to everyone who helped keep me emotionally afloat the last 6 months.  (In particular, I’m looking at you Finn / Rev – particularly with your well-timed reminder of J.K. Rowling’s discussion of the benefits of failure / Cali / Rala… I don’t know what I would have done without you.)

Yay!

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Filed under anticipation, Cali, Finn, if you call it "funemployment" i will smack you, manythanks, new leaf, Obama, ohmygod i'm a lawyer, queering the binary, Rala, Rev, righteous rage

.blog something something.

Today was a day full of writing and bopping around to music and making NaniBirds while listening to multiple episodes of This American Life.  Not a bad day.  (And NaniBirds are all kinds of awesome if you happen to have a printer and scissors and a glue stick and you like to do things with your hands while you listen to multiple episodes of This American Life, by the by.  Plus, super cute and/or something for your cats to stalk and nom.  Everyone wins!)

I had some kind of plan for what I was going to say in this blog entry when I started typing that paragraph, but I don’t remember what it was anymore.  This does not bode well for my brain.

No updates on the grandma front, so I’m going to assume that silence following a heartfelt “I love you” continues to mean “I love you.”  That was hands down the strangest email I’ve ever gotten.  At first I was really freaked out, actually – I didn’t know who had been talking to her or what had been said, and although she was clearly coming from a good place, I felt very…  invaded, almost?  It was like there had been this major discussion about my life and my self and my Special Lady Friend and no one told me that they were planning on having it, and no one really warned me that it had happened after the fact.  So there I was, having a lovely day and not thinking about the fact that I’m a big homo, and suddenly I’m reminded that it’s kind of a big deal for my family, and oh, they’ve been discussing it, and OH, by the way, WE TOLD GRANDMA.

So the email was sweet and wonderful, but my reaction was a bit, um, well, a bit like that sound Tim Allen used to make on Home Improvement.  (You know the one.  Kind of a confused “AUUUUUUHHH???”)

Anywho.  Over it now.  I’m just glad she’s speaking to me.

I have all these home improvement / decorating plans that I’m hoping to implement while I’m unemployed – I’ve gotten kind of addicted to fancy & aesthetically-pleasing decorating blogs that make me all lusty for antiques and damask and paint and, I dunno, some design sense.  Or at least enough money to hire a professional decorator.  Which, considering this new fascination with decorating has come about due to unemployment, equals not gonna happen.  But hey, a girl can lust.  I think I’m gonna start with the bathroom, that’s small.  The bathroom, and getting more pictures of our loved ones up around the house. That’s actually my number one goal.

So.  It’s odd, I’ve started volunteering a few times a week at a legal services organization downtown – basically doing the same work I used to get paid for – and while it’s awesome to have clients again, and it’s nice to have a sense of purpose (and a destination in mind when I leave the house) – is it wrong to say that I really feel like it’s cutting into my time?  Ha.  I guess I just got used to waking up and having a lazy breakfast and reading the news and writing for a while and watching some TV and doing some job search stuff and feeling like my whole day was mine.  And yes, the majority of the time my “whole day” is actually incredibly boring, and I would typically give anything to have a place to be and something to do, and I pounce on Finn as soon as she walks in the door because oh my god human contact.  But now that I have somewhere to be, I kind of miss setting my own schedule.

Grass.  Greener.  Check.

I’m rambling and I still have no idea what I set out to say here.

A few more random thoughts, and then we’ll unceremoniously wrap this up:

– I am not really liking Google Buzz.  Also, it pissed me off that they unveiled it without considering the privacy concerns of, y’know, everyone.  (Like, for instance, Harriet over at Fugitivus, who is amazing and brilliant… and has blocked her blog following the outpouring of crazy following an entry titled “Fuck you, Google” where she complained that Buzz had allowed her abusive ex-husband to auto-follow her on Buzz, which also gave him access to her shared items in Google Reader, which had been private and where she had mentioned in the comments things such as her place of work.  It got picked up by the mainstream media and I assume that’s why she’s blocked her blog at the moment.  Anyway.  Not cool, Google.  Seriously very not cool at all.)  But also, privacy issues aside… it just kind of sucks.  It’s harder to read than Twitter and not as varied / interactive as Facebook.

– Our niece has officially outgrown wanting to be our dancing monkey when we Skype.  She wants to play like a regular kid and not sit around talking to her enchanted Aunties.  This makes me very sad.  But!  They’re coming to visit (from Hawaii!!!) in a few months, so that should help make up for it.

– I finally, finally, FINALLY got through this couple hundred words in the book that had been making me want to rip my hair out.  It’s amazing how I can sit down and write 3,000 words in one session sometimes, and other times it takes me 3 weeks to write 200 words.  I need to learn to power through, I suppose.

– I finished Buffy.  It was awesome.  Well, the last season sucked, but everything else was awesome.  (Not everyone will agree with my assessment re Season 7, but trust: plot holes, inconsistent characters, and general craziness.  Do Not Like.  This says it better than I could, in any case.)

Okay, there’s really no good way to end this.  I have to get up and “work” tomorrow, so I should probably head to bed anyway.  G’night moon.  G’night stars.  G’night world.

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Filed under Finn, manythanks, stuff pomegranates like, sunshine, The Fam, WTF

.breaking.

I received the following email in my inbox this morning:

“Hi [Pomegranate]…

Just wanted to tell you that “I know” and all is right with the world…. I will love you forever…Grandma”
Thaaaaaaat’s right.  Apparently my grandma and my mom had a conversation last night which went something like this, according to my mother’s reenactment:
Grandma: Um.  I think I know something.
Mom: What do you mean?  What do you think you know?
Grandma: What do you think I think I know?
[Continue this Who’s on First for a few minutes, until…]
Grandma: …I think [Pom] is a lesbian.
Mom: Oh.  Well… you’re right.  She is.
So there you have it.  The moment of loving, tolerant, progressive understanding that I’d been hoping for.  Hurrah!

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Filed under love, manythanks, new leaf, queering the binary, The Fam

.girl gone mild.

Today is one of Those Days.  I’ve got a major case of anxiety, which I’m tracing back to the earthquake in Haiti – natural disasters which devastate large groups of already-impoverished people inevitably lead to me to question why bad things happen, why things like this are out of our control, what we can do, why any sort of God or Universe or what have you would allow it.  BUT, because I can think of nothing more loathsome and offensive than whining about how an earthquake in Haiti has really ruined MY day, dammit, I’m gonna gather up all that anxiety into a tight little ball in my stomach, roll it around until it’s shiny and smooth, warm it up until it’s something good and hopeful, and offer it as a little glowing prayer for all the people who could use one of those right about now.

Oh, and I’m gonna donate.  (In case you haven’t heard, texting “HAITI” to 90999 will automatically donate $10 to the Red Cross; texting “YELE” to 501501 sends $5 to wyclef jean’s Yele Foundation; and if you go to the Red Cross website you can donate using your one-click Amazon setup if you have one.  Technology used for good, not evil.  Melikes.)

And though it seems somewhat crass to do a blah blah blah update when there are so many more important things happening in the world, I haven’t updated in about a month and this is the time I set aside for it, so.

I was at my parents’ house for Christmas this year.  It was really lovely, and I was blown away by the thoughtfulness of the gifts I received.  It seemed like my parents and siblings and I all really put a lot of thought into what we wanted to give/do for one another this year.  My parents got me a Connecticut Journal (newspaper) dated December 23, 1793 featuring articles by George Washington and John Adams… I almost couldn’t breathe when I opened it.  (My initial response, actually, was to scream, “WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING ME NICE THINGS?!?!?!  I DO NOT FEEL ADULT ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF A RELIC OF AMERICAN HISTORY!!!”)

(I’ve since calmed, and discovered that all I really need to do is frame it on archival quality matboard and under special UV-protectant glass.  Phew.)  But yea, fucking amazing gift.

I also received the Lomo LC-A+ I’d been lusting after, and – hilariously – a still-functional Teddy Ruxpin, which my mom found for me on ebay in order to shut me up, because I’ve been complaining to her since I was five years old that I never had one even though my cousin did.  (We couldn’t afford one when I was a kid… and I’ll tell you, I wept countless bitter tears over that fact, as only a particularly dramatic elementary-schooler can.)  Thankfully, this gift means that my own children will never have to experience the privation of going through life without an animatronic talking bear around to tell them stories before bedtime.

New Years Eve was spent in fairly pathetic fashion, hanging out at home with my parents.  (Not that it’s pathetic to hang out with one’s parents, but y’know, I’m 26 years old and I nearly fell asleep before the ball dropped.  So.  Loserville.  That’s all I’m saying.)  We were supposed to spend NYE nestled up in a cabin in the mountains, but alas, there was a snowpocalypse which left an icy residue 6 inches thick on the driveway leading to said cabin, so it was a no-go.  All my siblings spent the evening out on the town with their significant others, so it was just me and the ‘rents.  I think my mom and I watched a House marathon until about 11:55 – or was it an SVU marathon?  I don’t know, so many marathons – and then we all drank a little champagne and went to bed.

Though not before I made my typically long list of resolutions, of course.  While I have made a habit of sharing my resolutions in the past (in other, earlier reincarnations of this blog) I’ve had the resultant experience of being roundly mocked for them by, ahem, some.  (Yea, I’m looking at you, Grant.)  Do some of them tend to be a little overly-earnest?  Sure – but then, so do I.  In any case, they pretty much come down to one thing, which I guess is kinda my theme for the year: Fuck Being Comfortable.  So.  We’ll see how that goes.

A few days after New Years, I flew back home, lil sis in tow.  As you may recall, Sis was supposed to come visit me for a week following her high school graduation last spring, but was waylaid by a two-week-long hospital stay. So, this was sort of her make up trip.  Because of school, she could only stay for 4 full days, but we had a great time.  We went to museums, I took her to see Wicked, we lounged around baking cookies and drinking hot chocolate… it was equal parts fun and relaxing.  She and I don’t get to spend all that much time together – she was only 10 when I moved away to go to college, and we haven’t lived in the same city since – so it was nice to get some one-on-one sister time in.  Unfortunately, Finn was away at school for most of the week, but they got to do a little last minute bonding as well.

What else what else what else…  Oh!  I saw Avatar in IMAX 3-D, which was fantastic.  It was much more subtle than most 3-D movies I’ve seen (with the notable exception of Coraline, which was the first I’d seen that didn’t try and constantly bombard you with gimmicks, Jack-in-the-Box style, but instead used the technology to gentle, scene-enhancing effect).  Avatar’s story was so-so – kind of a Pocahontas meets Fern Gully in Space thing, with no real surprises – but it was just so pretty.  My pal @samfeasor does a much better job of dissecting it here (“Why Avatar Didn’t Suck Like I Thought it Would”) for anyone who’s interested in reading her queer, gamer-girl, tech-savvy take on the whole thing.

And so that pretty much brings us up to this week.  Finn is still out of town for school, but she got called back for a birth Monday night, and we had time for a quick lunch yesterday afternoon before she had to head back.  I had seen her two days earlier, over the weekend, but there’s something nice about seeing someone special when it’s unexpected.  I got all googily.

Last night I hung out with QS.  We’ve been going through some stuff, friendship-wise, finally working out some unspoken shit we’ve been carrying around for too long, and we’re making a more concerted effort to spend good quality time together as a result of that work.  Last night we cooked dinner and drank too much wine (or I did, anyway) and had an impromptu dance party in her living room.  It was a good night.  I only wish there were pictures…

This week I’m hanging out with Gem, writing, running a million errands, and getting the house ready for K&J, who are visiting for the weekend.  I think I’m going to have to give them better names, they show up in this blog more than I’d anticipated.  Hmm.  Okay.  I dub them Bert and Ernie.  (Everyone knows Bert and Ernie were gay, right?  It’s perfect!)  Ha.

– Pomegranate, Whose heart is still sad

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Filed under @samfeasor, anxiety, Finn, Gem, Grant, manythanks, memories, nerdiness, new leaf, QS, The Fam

.an arbitrary collection of thoughts in no particular order.

I sat down today to set some goals for myself this week.  On the list, among other things: finishing up the draft of the chapter I’ve been working on; making some truffles; taking a day off from technology.  Other things, getting right with some people, setting aside some time to finish the book I’m reading (A Widow for One Year, John Irving, quite enjoyable).  I’ve decided to set goals for myself every week, not so much because I feel like I’m floating (though that’s part of it) but because for all that I’m spending 99% of my time with myself, not much of it is quality time, if that makes sense.  The simple act of sitting down and asking myself what I want for the week seems to be a good place to start.  So.

Finn is home and we’re settling back into things.  It’s been a slightly difficult but utterly welcome adjustment.  (We’re still re-learning to sleep in the same bed together… it’s amazing how quickly your body learns to take over the entire bed when you lose your sleepmate.  Apparently I’m quite the cover thief these days.)  She’s been insanely busy, so my days actually don’t look all that different – doing my own thing, mostly.  But it’s beyond wonderful to have her around in the evenings, snuggled under a down throw, warm in our cozy apartment.

I’m glad it didn’t really snow until she got back; I fell in love with her in winter, and nothing brings me back to myself, and back to us, quite like watching watching a snowfall with her.  To think I used to hate winter.

We decorated for Christmas last night.  I’m kind of obsessed with Christmas; it’s a big holiday in my family, and I adore the traditions of my childhood.  Somehow Finn and I haven’t quite managed to get our own traditions off the ground – she isn’t so big on the traditional in general, and her family isn’t religious, so from what I gather the holiday season didn’t have quite the same significance for her family that it did for mine.  But she’s willing to play along since it’s so important to me.

An example of our traditions not quite living up to expectations: last night she was supposed to have work until 6, after which we had big plans for a roasted chicken dinner, which we were going to eat while cheerily decking the halls, listening to christmas music and sipping mulled wine.  Lovely, right?  But then her work stuff got pushed back, she didn’t get home til after 8, the chicken nearly started a grease fire and set off the smoke alarms, and the cats kept trying to eat the tree.  All of which was made worse by the fact that I was PMSing, both of us had low blood sugar, and there was a sleeping baby upstairs .  (I swear to god it was like a bad sitcom.)  Last night I was grumpy – though somewhat pacified by the mulled wine, admittedly – but today it just seems ridiculous.  There’s me, wrapping lights around the tree, tripping over angry cats and poking myself in the eye with passing branches; there’s Finn, frantically running around opening windows, desperate and fanning the smoke with a plastic cutting board…

The star on top of the tree is crooked, and I can’t get it to stay upright.  But after last night, it seems poetic, somehow; I think I’ll just leave it.

I’m making pot roast for dinner and it’s making the whole house smell delicious.  I’m also experimenting with desserts; today I’m attempting the aforementioned truffles.  I managed to slice my thumb open while chopping, which wasn’t a big deal except it bled EVERYWHERE and I could not for the life of me find a band-aid in this house.  So I’m currently rocking a really fancy paper towel square wrapped in scotch tape contraption – go makeshift first aid.

My hair is getting really long.  For me, I mean, which means it’s like 3 inches long.  I’m “growing it out” to at least semi-shaggy levels, I think, just to see what happens… but I feel like I’m going to have to call in the professionals soon.  I haven’t had a professional haircut since… hmm.  I want to say pre-dreadlocks, which would make it something like 8 years?  There may have been one real cut in there at some point, but really it has been at LEAST 5 years.  I’ve just been cutting it myself for so long that the idea of going somewhere makes me nervous.  At least if I fuck it up I didn’t pay money for it.  (That’s probably not a good reason to avoid it, is it?)  So far it just looks like my same haircut, only longer, and I can’t really do the fauxhawk thing anymore because it’s too long.  I’m digging it, though.  I’m just terrified I’m going to hit the inevitable mullet stage of any grow-out and no one’s going to tell me.  Hence, the desire for professional help.

Wow, this got all rambly.  Alright, off to check out the state of my truffles.

Oh, one last: this blog is nearly a year old.  (::tear::  They grow up so fast, huh?)  Seriously though, I kind of can’t believe it.  I just want to thank everyone who checks in here and then checks in with me – either in the comments or the emails or texts or whatever.  I feel like most of my posts are boring and not worth reading, but I’m always glad for any excuse for my pals – internety or otherwise – to give me a shout.  So thanks for reading, and for reaching out.  You’re all pretty amazing.

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Filed under budding foodie, crazy cat lady: ur doin it rite, Finn, love, manythanks, memories, new leaf, stuff pomegranates like