Category Archives: Gem

.today.

Last weekend Olive was ordained in the United Church of Christ.  It was a really moving ceremony and such a good example of the way that people are truly called to things.  I cried like a baby.

My world has felt smaller and more full lately.  I think I’m in a paring-down phase – just give me the windows thrown open and a gentle breeze.  I’ve had the urge to throw lots of things away, just move some stuff out.  I do this every once in a while.  It’s a quiet time, a still time.  But I’m just riding it.  I wonder what I’m making room for.

I haven’t been writing much lately.  Just haven’t felt like it, haven’t felt inspired.  Not blocked, exactly, just – well, it probably goes hand-in-hand with the paring phase.  I’m just setting it down for a while.  Trying not to pressure myself into guilt about it.

I’ve been reading a lot more.  Trying to catch up on my sleep.  Last night we went out for dinner with Finn’s midwifery partner and her husband for their 11th anniversary.  They’re only a few years older than us, but we told them they’re our relationship role models, which is the truth.  They’re so obviously in love and solid and drama-free and they just genuinely enjoy one another.  They’re good people and have a great, close-knit family.  It’s pretty awesome to be around.  We went to a fancy-schmancy steakhouse (yeah, I had the steak) and spent way too much money and had a great time.  Worth it.

I feel really peaceful right now.  We just had brunch at our place with Cali and her lady, and Gem.  I feel so lucky to have friends who come over and bring all this random stuff that they have laying around their kitchens and create these delicious simple meals.  We had blueberry buckwheat waffles, an asparagus and bell pepper frittata, rosemary potatoes, bread, coffee.

Off to play the piano for a while…

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Filed under Cali, Finn, Gem, new leaf, Olive, sunshine, the beauty of the in-between

.girl gone mild.

Today is one of Those Days.  I’ve got a major case of anxiety, which I’m tracing back to the earthquake in Haiti – natural disasters which devastate large groups of already-impoverished people inevitably lead to me to question why bad things happen, why things like this are out of our control, what we can do, why any sort of God or Universe or what have you would allow it.  BUT, because I can think of nothing more loathsome and offensive than whining about how an earthquake in Haiti has really ruined MY day, dammit, I’m gonna gather up all that anxiety into a tight little ball in my stomach, roll it around until it’s shiny and smooth, warm it up until it’s something good and hopeful, and offer it as a little glowing prayer for all the people who could use one of those right about now.

Oh, and I’m gonna donate.  (In case you haven’t heard, texting “HAITI” to 90999 will automatically donate $10 to the Red Cross; texting “YELE” to 501501 sends $5 to wyclef jean’s Yele Foundation; and if you go to the Red Cross website you can donate using your one-click Amazon setup if you have one.  Technology used for good, not evil.  Melikes.)

And though it seems somewhat crass to do a blah blah blah update when there are so many more important things happening in the world, I haven’t updated in about a month and this is the time I set aside for it, so.

I was at my parents’ house for Christmas this year.  It was really lovely, and I was blown away by the thoughtfulness of the gifts I received.  It seemed like my parents and siblings and I all really put a lot of thought into what we wanted to give/do for one another this year.  My parents got me a Connecticut Journal (newspaper) dated December 23, 1793 featuring articles by George Washington and John Adams… I almost couldn’t breathe when I opened it.  (My initial response, actually, was to scream, “WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING ME NICE THINGS?!?!?!  I DO NOT FEEL ADULT ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF A RELIC OF AMERICAN HISTORY!!!”)

(I’ve since calmed, and discovered that all I really need to do is frame it on archival quality matboard and under special UV-protectant glass.  Phew.)  But yea, fucking amazing gift.

I also received the Lomo LC-A+ I’d been lusting after, and – hilariously – a still-functional Teddy Ruxpin, which my mom found for me on ebay in order to shut me up, because I’ve been complaining to her since I was five years old that I never had one even though my cousin did.  (We couldn’t afford one when I was a kid… and I’ll tell you, I wept countless bitter tears over that fact, as only a particularly dramatic elementary-schooler can.)  Thankfully, this gift means that my own children will never have to experience the privation of going through life without an animatronic talking bear around to tell them stories before bedtime.

New Years Eve was spent in fairly pathetic fashion, hanging out at home with my parents.  (Not that it’s pathetic to hang out with one’s parents, but y’know, I’m 26 years old and I nearly fell asleep before the ball dropped.  So.  Loserville.  That’s all I’m saying.)  We were supposed to spend NYE nestled up in a cabin in the mountains, but alas, there was a snowpocalypse which left an icy residue 6 inches thick on the driveway leading to said cabin, so it was a no-go.  All my siblings spent the evening out on the town with their significant others, so it was just me and the ‘rents.  I think my mom and I watched a House marathon until about 11:55 – or was it an SVU marathon?  I don’t know, so many marathons – and then we all drank a little champagne and went to bed.

Though not before I made my typically long list of resolutions, of course.  While I have made a habit of sharing my resolutions in the past (in other, earlier reincarnations of this blog) I’ve had the resultant experience of being roundly mocked for them by, ahem, some.  (Yea, I’m looking at you, Grant.)  Do some of them tend to be a little overly-earnest?  Sure – but then, so do I.  In any case, they pretty much come down to one thing, which I guess is kinda my theme for the year: Fuck Being Comfortable.  So.  We’ll see how that goes.

A few days after New Years, I flew back home, lil sis in tow.  As you may recall, Sis was supposed to come visit me for a week following her high school graduation last spring, but was waylaid by a two-week-long hospital stay. So, this was sort of her make up trip.  Because of school, she could only stay for 4 full days, but we had a great time.  We went to museums, I took her to see Wicked, we lounged around baking cookies and drinking hot chocolate… it was equal parts fun and relaxing.  She and I don’t get to spend all that much time together – she was only 10 when I moved away to go to college, and we haven’t lived in the same city since – so it was nice to get some one-on-one sister time in.  Unfortunately, Finn was away at school for most of the week, but they got to do a little last minute bonding as well.

What else what else what else…  Oh!  I saw Avatar in IMAX 3-D, which was fantastic.  It was much more subtle than most 3-D movies I’ve seen (with the notable exception of Coraline, which was the first I’d seen that didn’t try and constantly bombard you with gimmicks, Jack-in-the-Box style, but instead used the technology to gentle, scene-enhancing effect).  Avatar’s story was so-so – kind of a Pocahontas meets Fern Gully in Space thing, with no real surprises – but it was just so pretty.  My pal @samfeasor does a much better job of dissecting it here (“Why Avatar Didn’t Suck Like I Thought it Would”) for anyone who’s interested in reading her queer, gamer-girl, tech-savvy take on the whole thing.

And so that pretty much brings us up to this week.  Finn is still out of town for school, but she got called back for a birth Monday night, and we had time for a quick lunch yesterday afternoon before she had to head back.  I had seen her two days earlier, over the weekend, but there’s something nice about seeing someone special when it’s unexpected.  I got all googily.

Last night I hung out with QS.  We’ve been going through some stuff, friendship-wise, finally working out some unspoken shit we’ve been carrying around for too long, and we’re making a more concerted effort to spend good quality time together as a result of that work.  Last night we cooked dinner and drank too much wine (or I did, anyway) and had an impromptu dance party in her living room.  It was a good night.  I only wish there were pictures…

This week I’m hanging out with Gem, writing, running a million errands, and getting the house ready for K&J, who are visiting for the weekend.  I think I’m going to have to give them better names, they show up in this blog more than I’d anticipated.  Hmm.  Okay.  I dub them Bert and Ernie.  (Everyone knows Bert and Ernie were gay, right?  It’s perfect!)  Ha.

– Pomegranate, Whose heart is still sad

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Filed under @samfeasor, anxiety, Finn, Gem, Grant, manythanks, memories, nerdiness, new leaf, QS, The Fam

.26 is the new something.

I turned 26 on the 4th.

Here’s hoping 26 is the new 25, because I LOVED being 25.  At 25 I passed the bar, got my first real job, and got engaged.  I also moved, went on trips, learned a lot, continued to settle in with Finn, and started this blog.  Any way I measure it, it was a fantastic year.

My birthday was pretty wonderful.  Finn was at a birth the whole time – this is the 2nd year in a row she’s missed my birthday – which was of course disappointing.  (She has promised me that she will NOT be on call on my birthday next year.  Sweet.)  But Gem threw me a fabulous party at her house, and there were lots of people there and lots of drinking and singing and playing Rock Band and grilling out and running around and funtimes.  I had wayyyyy too much of a delicious Southeast Asian sangria followed by a not-small amount of champagne with blueberries.  Luckily there was also so much food that despite the fact that I drank what felt like a few bathtubs full of alcohol, I managed to stay upright (and no hangover the next day – always a plus.)

pomegranate birthday

moment of reflection upon turning 26

:photo by QS:

Because of the drinking (&etc.), the whole night is this slightly incoherent joy-filled blur: the soft fizzle of fireworks that we could hear but not see; a Michael Jackson singalong; Gem and I standing, arms wrapped around one another, swaying; talking to my family, none of whom were even remotely convinced by my fairly pathetic attempt to play sober; the smell of charcoal; chocolate cake; a circle of laughing, singing people illuminated by candlelight.  It was a good birthday.

Sunday Finn and K & J and I went to the beach.  It was so beautiful, and Finn and I decided then and there that we were going to Hawaii again this year, layoffs and expenses and crazy schedules be damned.  Her mom offered to buy her plane ticket, and we can stay with her brother, so the expense isn’t nearly as much as it might run us otherwise.  We bought our tickets last night, and I am over the moon.

Sunday also got me pumped for my week-long trip to the NC beach at the end of this month.  It’ll be the first time I’ll have been to my grandma’s place at the beach in several years.  I spent every summer of my childhood there, and it holds so many memories for me.  I can’t wait to sit out on her dock, watch my dad and brother fish, listen to the waves, fall asleep to the sound of crickets.  Nothing is more peaceful.  (I say that glossing over the fact, of course, that my family – all 6 of us – plus my brother’s girlfriend and her 3 year old son, plus any friends my sister might bring, plus, obviously, my grandma, are all going to be crammed into her teensy beach cottage for a week.  Ah well, what’s one bathroom between 10 friends?  I’m so excited.)

On another note: I am way too fair for all this beachiness.  IIIIIIIIII might need to invest in another SPF surf shirt.  Worth it!

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Filed under anticipation, Finn, Gem, love, memories, new leaf, QS, Rev, sunshine, the beauty of the in-between, vacation all i ever wanted

.zombified.

Here are some things that have made this week feel incredibly strange, and me to feel like a bit of a zombie:

  • Layoff: made official.  I’ve got my job through August, then I’m out.  (Perhaps I should be more upset about this – it IS sad, and scary, but I have had a few prospects come my way on the job-front that have softened the blow, at least initially.  I’ll keep you posted as to how those turn out, if they do.)
  • WHERE THE HELL IS THE BLOODY SUNSHINE?  I am tired of walking through dark and stormy soup.  And everything feels damp – one of my least favorite things.
  • The computers have been down at work all week, so I have billed approximately 1 hour in the last 4 days.  The rest of the time has been spent playing games on my iphone.
  • I have been having the weirdest dreams lately, about hospitals and love and babies and trees.  (Though not all in the same dream).  I wake up anxious or confused or, occasionally, quite happy.  But I don’t feel like I’m getting much rest.

Hence, zombified.

My worksite has instituted furlough days (one day off per pay period, 10% pay cut) so I’m off today.  I ought to be making doctor’s appointments and taking my car for an oil change and doing laundry and buying groceries, but mostly I’m just being a lump on the couch.

My birthday is coming up quickly and I haven’t been even remotely excited about making plans.  Last night I was (sweetly) convinced by Gem to have a small get-together at her place, following which we can walk to the fireworks.   (No, people don’t just shoot off fireworks for my birthday, though that would be awesome; I’m a 4th of July baby.)  All of which sounds good to me.  I don’t know, I’m in kind of a bummed place lately because I feel like I don’t have many friends.  Everyone moved away post-grad-school, and I lost some of my besties.  Of course, the people that I do still have are wonderful, but it’s sad to think about prior birthday celebrations and how this one will be so much smaller.  To do: meet new people.  And perhaps put forth some effort and reconnect with some folks I’ve lost touch with.

Our landlord wants us to go to a month-to-month lease, on the off chance that his son (who currently lives in DC) loses his job and wants to move back here.  Finn and I realllllly don’t want to move when our lease is up this September (especially if I don’t have a job – that’s an awfully large expense if we don’t HAVE to leave) but we’re also not thrilled that we could be kicked out at any moment and have to find somewhere suitable to live in, say, February, when there will be NOTHING decent available.  We have an awesome place now, a 3brm house for what most people pay for an apartment, in a very nice town that’s close to Finn’s supervising midwife and a short drive from the train I need to get for work.  But Finn is done with supervision end of July, and I won’t have this job end of August.  So – no real reason for us to stay here (we’d rather be in the city – especially if I end up getting a job there) except that the place is so big and we’re paying so little for it, relatively.  Oh, pros and cons.  Thoughts?  Advice?  We’re kind of in an eagle death roll with this decision.

Okay, up to at least change out of my PJs and pretend to get started on my day… oh god, is this what it’s going to be like if I’m unemployed?  Eesh.

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Filed under eagle death roll, Finn, Gem, memories

.malaise.

It has been a while since I’ve last posted… mostly because nothing of any real note has been happening lately.  There are some weeks where I feel like all I do is get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed.  It’s the same litany my father uses when I talk with him on the weekends.  “How was your week?”  “You know.  Got up, went to work, came home, ate, went to bed.”  I never realized, until now, how suffocating that sentence is.

[On a sidenote, I feel the need to clarify something.  As I mentioned in my last post, I am a Cancer: ruled by the moon, a bundle of contradictions, emotional, &etc.  Which is to say that I am aware that sometimes I write about how I adore my job and I’m lucky to be there, and sometimes I write about how I can’t believe I work a 9 to 5 and have to wear a suit.  There are days when I couldn’t be more satisfied, and days when I am ready to quit.  This is probably true of most people in most jobs, but it is particularly true of me and mine.  Do I contradict myself?  Very well, then, I contradict myself.  I am large, I contain multitudes.  Thank you Mr. Whitman.]

In any case, to move on to happier things… Finn and Cali and another friend and I went out dancing last weekend.  For some reason there is no longer a “ladies night” around here on Saturdays, so we ended up going to this little club in the middle of nowhere which drew quite the colorful clientele.  There were the hipsters, who clearly found the place to be just ironic enough to make it worth being seen there; the older lesbians, who made us all grin ear to ear with their unabashed just-wanna-have-fun dancing; and, oddly, one shirtless gay man who was hired to walk around offering us all test tube shots.  I was exhausted and had been hesitant to go, but Finn never agrees to go out dancing so I couldn’t possibly pass up the opportunity.  (Finn broke her foot when we were walking to my apartment one day, very early in our relationship, and – despite the pain, not knowing it was broken – continued to walk around on it for another 3 months before she got an X-ray.  It didn’t heal properly, and it still hurts her sometimes… so that was the end of dancing for her.  OR WAS IT????  Word on the street is, she might have gotten her mojo back last weekend.  To be confirmed.)

So anyway, dancing was good.  Then came this week of boredom and lethargy, broken only by my attendance at Holiday Handjobs, a queer craft fair.

And so here I am.  Taking a mental health day (because of the boredom, and because it will give me a four day weekend, and because we get so many vacation days that it’s a wonder anyone is ever there at all.)   Plans for the weekend include helping our friend Gem pack and move, brunch with Cali, sleep, and writing.

Oh, and last but not least, shoutout to Rev who just started what promises to be a pretty kickass blog about her adventures and misadventures trying to get ordained as a big ‘ol queer in the Presbyterian church.  Should be lots of good reflection about the intersection between religion and spirituality, so if you’re interested in reading or being a part of that dialogue, you should head that way.

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Filed under Cali, Finn, Gem, ohmygod i'm a lawyer, queering the binary, Rev