Category Archives: anxiety

.i’m okay, you’re okay.

Well, hello.  Long time no see.

About a year ago, I was talking to my mom about what I had been like as a child.  What did she remember about me?  Did she think I was generally a good kid?  Was I tough to parent?  She thought for a few seconds, and then said, “What I remember about you is that you were always much harder on yourself than we ever were on you.  That’s the kind of kid you were – you’d get a B on a test, and when we’d congratulate you, you’d burst into tears because you weren’t satisfied with a B.  With you, it always had to be an A.”

Here’s the thing about having a blog – when I ignore it for a while, I feel guilty.  I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I do.  And then blogging becomes this thing that I should be doing, a chore, instead of something that I do simply because I want to.  This, of course, leads me to… ignore it even more.  All of which is ridiculous, I know, because it’s not like I have all that many readers in the first place, and the ones I have are mostly friends who couldn’t care less whether or not I’m regularly updating my blog.  But it doesn’t matter.  I started this blog to keep a record of what was going on in my life, because I have a terrible memory and I’d like to be able to look back and see what was going on at various times.  So I’m not satisfied unless I’m doing it often, because I set a goal for myself, dammit, and I’d like to see it through.

This tendency to have high expectations for myself isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  For instance, it pushes me to work hard and distinguish myself at work.  It motivates me to write and re-write and revise and write some more, even on days when I don’t feel like writing.  This characteristic is why I get shit done, and I can recognize that that’s a good thing.

The problem is, I’ve been wielding this aspect of my character like a mallet, when it’s really best handled with laser precision.  I’ve been demanding perfection from myself in everything, even things that don’t matter very much (such as, yes, whether or not I post regularly on my blog).  But it’s not just that.  I’ve been beating myself up recently over the fact that I don’t have more hobbies, don’t have more friends, don’t have a cleaner house, don’t have my debt paid down.  That I’m not more successful, more motivated.  That I haven’t published a book or learned Spanish.  That I don’t network.  That I haven’t done, well, anything of note in my life.  That I’m not the best at anything.  That I haven’t distinguished myself at anything that matters.

I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test a few months ago and came up an INFJ, which could not be more right-on.  (For those of you whose Myers-Briggs-speak is a bit rusty, INFJ stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging).  Here’s a pretty relevant part of the description of your average INFJ: “INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves – there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments.”

Huh.  Y’don’t say.

So.  In light of the guilt, and my recognition that it’s so often unnecessary… I’m going to try something new.  I’m going to try and use my own high expectations for myself like a laser instead of a mallet.  I’m going to give myself the freedom to be imperfect.

I’m going to give myself permission to be tired and overwhelmed sometimes.  I’m going to let myself sleep in on a Saturday without tempering my enjoyment with guilt.  I’m going to cut myself some slack on the hobbies, the friends, the debt – or at least from feeling like I need to address them all at once.  I can try and work on a few things at a time.  Everything does not have to be running at 100% for me to be okay, be accomplished, be a worthwhile human being.

I’m going to try and use my perfectionism to my benefit, instead of letting it guilt me into inaction.  Turn it on a few things that really matter and motivate myself to work hard and well at some things, rather than shining a giant, judgmental spotlight onto my whole life and berating myself for coming up short.

So yeah, I haven’t blogged in a while.  It hasn’t been a priority.  And that’s okay.  I’ll try and write more often, because I really would like to have a record of what I’m doing.  But if I don’t, I don’t.  AND THAT’S OKAY.

So, with the navel-gazing portion of this post over – on to the actual what-when-where that I intended in the first place.

Not that I need an excuse after everything I just said, but part of the reason I haven’t blogged in a while is that things have been so effing busy!  Mostly in a good way.  I’ve been working late basically every night for the last couple of months, banking credit hours which I can then use to take days off when we have guests.  And oh, have we had guests.

First, Finn’s parents came into town for a week at the end of April.  (I had just purchased a new camera, so brace yourselves for an illustrated post.)

We hitched Ophelia onto her leash and let her out onto the porch to play.  Finn’s parents were a bit dubious of her at first, but she really grew on them.

Ophelia, checking out birds in the rafters of our porch

The weather was gorgeous while they were here, so we went on lots of walks.  Before they left we threw them a big party so they could meet some of our friends, including Finn’s midwifery partner, her husband, and their FOUR BOYS under the age of NINE.  (Great, great, wonderful, adorable kids, and absolutely insane.)

View from the porch, where most of the party happened – photo by one of the 4boysunder9, all of whom wanted a turn with the camera


This is the table at the party, loaded down with food.  Please note that when I say we threw a party, I mean that Finn’s dad, who is an AMAZING cook, cooked us a ton of food, which we promptly snarfed.

A few days after her parents left, Finn’s friend Gina and her 2 year old Chester came for the weekend.  I won’t put pics of them up, because that seems weird, but we had a good time.  I re-discovered that toddlers love me.

The weekend after Gina left, Olive came into town for a few days.  She was doing her final pre-ordination meetings and vote before she becomes ordained as a minister in the UCC church.  It all went well, and so she’s getting ordained in 2 weeks! I’m so thrilled for her.

The day after Olive left, Finn’s brother and sister-in-law and our niece came to visit from Hawaii.  They were here for about 7 days, and I was able to use up 3 days worth of the credit hours I’d been saving up at work to hang out and play with them in the middle of the week.  We went on lots of walks, visited the Children’s Museum, went window-shopping on the main street in our lil neighborhood, hung out at the pond near our house, and spent quite a bit of time at the playground down the street.

Learning about tools at the Children’s Museum


Finn’s brother and the kiddo at the pond

This weekend, we have no guests and no responsibilities.  We’re probably going to the beach tomorrow, and then out to dinner with some friends.  Oh, and later this week we’re going to a baseball game, which is pretty rad.

Next weekend I’m off to a funeral for my aunt, who died suddenly and unexpectedly last week.  I’m still not really ready to talk about that.  The weekend after that, Olive is getting ordained, and she and her sig other, KC, are staying with us for the week.  Then the weekend after THAT, my brother and his girlfriend are coming into town for a week.  Annnnnd that gets us til the end of June!  Phew.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under anticipation, anxiety, crazy cat lady: ur doin it rite, eagle death roll, Finn, love, navel-gazing, new leaf, Olive, pictures, The Fam, type A personality: check, vacation all i ever wanted

.girl gone mild.

Today is one of Those Days.  I’ve got a major case of anxiety, which I’m tracing back to the earthquake in Haiti – natural disasters which devastate large groups of already-impoverished people inevitably lead to me to question why bad things happen, why things like this are out of our control, what we can do, why any sort of God or Universe or what have you would allow it.  BUT, because I can think of nothing more loathsome and offensive than whining about how an earthquake in Haiti has really ruined MY day, dammit, I’m gonna gather up all that anxiety into a tight little ball in my stomach, roll it around until it’s shiny and smooth, warm it up until it’s something good and hopeful, and offer it as a little glowing prayer for all the people who could use one of those right about now.

Oh, and I’m gonna donate.  (In case you haven’t heard, texting “HAITI” to 90999 will automatically donate $10 to the Red Cross; texting “YELE” to 501501 sends $5 to wyclef jean’s Yele Foundation; and if you go to the Red Cross website you can donate using your one-click Amazon setup if you have one.  Technology used for good, not evil.  Melikes.)

And though it seems somewhat crass to do a blah blah blah update when there are so many more important things happening in the world, I haven’t updated in about a month and this is the time I set aside for it, so.

I was at my parents’ house for Christmas this year.  It was really lovely, and I was blown away by the thoughtfulness of the gifts I received.  It seemed like my parents and siblings and I all really put a lot of thought into what we wanted to give/do for one another this year.  My parents got me a Connecticut Journal (newspaper) dated December 23, 1793 featuring articles by George Washington and John Adams… I almost couldn’t breathe when I opened it.  (My initial response, actually, was to scream, “WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING ME NICE THINGS?!?!?!  I DO NOT FEEL ADULT ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF A RELIC OF AMERICAN HISTORY!!!”)

(I’ve since calmed, and discovered that all I really need to do is frame it on archival quality matboard and under special UV-protectant glass.  Phew.)  But yea, fucking amazing gift.

I also received the Lomo LC-A+ I’d been lusting after, and – hilariously – a still-functional Teddy Ruxpin, which my mom found for me on ebay in order to shut me up, because I’ve been complaining to her since I was five years old that I never had one even though my cousin did.  (We couldn’t afford one when I was a kid… and I’ll tell you, I wept countless bitter tears over that fact, as only a particularly dramatic elementary-schooler can.)  Thankfully, this gift means that my own children will never have to experience the privation of going through life without an animatronic talking bear around to tell them stories before bedtime.

New Years Eve was spent in fairly pathetic fashion, hanging out at home with my parents.  (Not that it’s pathetic to hang out with one’s parents, but y’know, I’m 26 years old and I nearly fell asleep before the ball dropped.  So.  Loserville.  That’s all I’m saying.)  We were supposed to spend NYE nestled up in a cabin in the mountains, but alas, there was a snowpocalypse which left an icy residue 6 inches thick on the driveway leading to said cabin, so it was a no-go.  All my siblings spent the evening out on the town with their significant others, so it was just me and the ‘rents.  I think my mom and I watched a House marathon until about 11:55 – or was it an SVU marathon?  I don’t know, so many marathons – and then we all drank a little champagne and went to bed.

Though not before I made my typically long list of resolutions, of course.  While I have made a habit of sharing my resolutions in the past (in other, earlier reincarnations of this blog) I’ve had the resultant experience of being roundly mocked for them by, ahem, some.  (Yea, I’m looking at you, Grant.)  Do some of them tend to be a little overly-earnest?  Sure – but then, so do I.  In any case, they pretty much come down to one thing, which I guess is kinda my theme for the year: Fuck Being Comfortable.  So.  We’ll see how that goes.

A few days after New Years, I flew back home, lil sis in tow.  As you may recall, Sis was supposed to come visit me for a week following her high school graduation last spring, but was waylaid by a two-week-long hospital stay. So, this was sort of her make up trip.  Because of school, she could only stay for 4 full days, but we had a great time.  We went to museums, I took her to see Wicked, we lounged around baking cookies and drinking hot chocolate… it was equal parts fun and relaxing.  She and I don’t get to spend all that much time together – she was only 10 when I moved away to go to college, and we haven’t lived in the same city since – so it was nice to get some one-on-one sister time in.  Unfortunately, Finn was away at school for most of the week, but they got to do a little last minute bonding as well.

What else what else what else…  Oh!  I saw Avatar in IMAX 3-D, which was fantastic.  It was much more subtle than most 3-D movies I’ve seen (with the notable exception of Coraline, which was the first I’d seen that didn’t try and constantly bombard you with gimmicks, Jack-in-the-Box style, but instead used the technology to gentle, scene-enhancing effect).  Avatar’s story was so-so – kind of a Pocahontas meets Fern Gully in Space thing, with no real surprises – but it was just so pretty.  My pal @samfeasor does a much better job of dissecting it here (“Why Avatar Didn’t Suck Like I Thought it Would”) for anyone who’s interested in reading her queer, gamer-girl, tech-savvy take on the whole thing.

And so that pretty much brings us up to this week.  Finn is still out of town for school, but she got called back for a birth Monday night, and we had time for a quick lunch yesterday afternoon before she had to head back.  I had seen her two days earlier, over the weekend, but there’s something nice about seeing someone special when it’s unexpected.  I got all googily.

Last night I hung out with QS.  We’ve been going through some stuff, friendship-wise, finally working out some unspoken shit we’ve been carrying around for too long, and we’re making a more concerted effort to spend good quality time together as a result of that work.  Last night we cooked dinner and drank too much wine (or I did, anyway) and had an impromptu dance party in her living room.  It was a good night.  I only wish there were pictures…

This week I’m hanging out with Gem, writing, running a million errands, and getting the house ready for K&J, who are visiting for the weekend.  I think I’m going to have to give them better names, they show up in this blog more than I’d anticipated.  Hmm.  Okay.  I dub them Bert and Ernie.  (Everyone knows Bert and Ernie were gay, right?  It’s perfect!)  Ha.

– Pomegranate, Whose heart is still sad

Leave a comment

Filed under @samfeasor, anxiety, Finn, Gem, Grant, manythanks, memories, nerdiness, new leaf, QS, The Fam

.join the circus?.

So, turns out if I can’t be a public interest attorney, apparently I don’t want to be an attorney at all.  It literally took one monster.com search for me to figure out that there is not a single legal job out there unrelated to public interest that I am even remotely interested in.  More than that: the thought of working at any of them makes me slightly queasy.  At least I know what my calling is, I suppose.  No idea what to do in the meantime but apply and see where the universe takes me.

You know how in the beginning of Lois Lowry’s “The Giver” Jonas is searching for the right word to describe his feelings?  That pretty much sums up my last few weeks.  I’m not… and I’m not quite… maybe I’m… no…

Jonas ends up settling on apprehensive. Discombobulated might be the best fit for me.  I’m all over the place, a little lost, not unhappy, just unsettled.

The past few weeks have been some of the strangest in recent memory – I’m a Cancer, and we very much prize our routine, place great value in our surroundings being orderly and serene.  That’s all out the window, obviously, but I’m working hard to take it in stride.  I haven’t cried once since we moved, in fact.  And I’ve been sleeping well (though waking at ungodly early hours.  I think it’s because we finally live in a place that isn’t shrouded in tree-shade – the sight of the sun whispers me into consciousness each morning.  It’s not a bad thing).

This must be what it feels like to be caught by a safety net.  I’ll take discombobulated over homeless any day of the week.

I am very lucky.

We’re moved in, getting a little closer to settled on the homefront every day.  So the pictures are being hung, the laundry folded, and the kittens are adjusting.  I had brunch yesterday with Cali, dinner with QS.  Tomorrow I’m having coffee with Grant (so nicknamed for the Civil War general, and I hope he appreciates it) who I haven’t seen in forever and who is moving to DC soon as part of the mass exodus to the District which seems to be happening in the last few years.  Among my pals, anyway.  He has requested some sort of crazy adventure that I can later blog about.

Because obviously my blog is so full of adventure!  Laundry!  First-time unemployment!  What will she do next, ladies and gentlemen?!?  :)

1 Comment

Filed under anxiety, Cali, Grant, manythanks, new leaf, QS, sunshine

.we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for a freak out.

Tomorrow is my last day of work.

Two days after that we’re moving.

I found out yesterday that I didn’t get a job for which I was incredibly well-qualified.

I also found out yesterday that a guy I went to middle and high school with died very unexpectedly.

In sum, I don’t like change and there has been a lot of change, upheaval, disappointment, and facing of my own mortality and that of the people I love, all within the span of about a week.  Oh, also the cats are panicked and peeing all over everything.

I try hard not to wish away my days, even the bad ones, because every moment is so precious.  I try hard not to feel like a failure when I don’t get the things that I want and work hard for.  I try not to waste time worrying – obsessing? – about whether and when and how the people I dearly love will pass away.  I try not to want to kill my sweetly tyrannous baby kittens.

And yet.  I am ready for this week to be over, I am ready to be moved in, I am ready to have said my goodbyes at work and shut the door on that period of my life, pleasant though it was.  I am ready to stop being anxious so I won’t fall prey to my mega-anxiety-producing-triggers (unexpected deaths being a major, major trigger for me).

I’m ready to let go and let myself be happy again.  I’m ready to take responsibility for my own joy.

When I was in high school, one of my best friends and I both kept small notebooks with us at all time.  We called them our Happy Books.  They were filled with an ongoing list of things that made us happy – pictures, inside jokes, people, events, memories… I’m sure half of it wouldn’t make sense to me now, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been as content with my life as when I kept a Happy Book.  Seems like it might be time to start that back up again.  So for tonight…

10 Things That Make Me Happy Right Now

1. My shiny new apartment

2. Numbered, color-coded moving boxes

3. The fact that my haircat loves me so much that she hates that I’m typing this right now, because she really wants to be sitting ON ME

4. Brunch with Rev

5. Victory over The Man: Comcast gave me an amazing deal on cable when I called to tell them I had to go to basic because I’d been laid off.  Everything I have now for half the price.  Ahmazing.

6. Finn’s freckles

7. Air conditioning

8. The story that has been floating around in my mind, waiting to get out

9. Living one train stop away from Cali beginning Saturday

10. The possibilities that await me now that I’ve got free time again…

1 Comment

Filed under anticipation, anxiety, Cali, crazy cat lady: ur doin it rite, Finn, memories, new leaf, Rev, type A personality: check

.ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Apologies if this post ends up being erratic and/or making no sense – I’m doped up on percocet but figured I’d give the blog thing a go anyway.

So.  Where were we before I fell off the face of the planet?  It felt for a while there that everything was floating around and no decisions were ever going to be made about all the things I was waiting on, but I’ve finally got some concrete plans!  First, I was finally given my official layoff notice, which was actually rather anti-climatic considering I’d known it was coming for so long.  That said, I found out that my employer is going to cover the cost of my health insurance premiums for 2 full months after I leave, which I had no idea would happen, so at least that’s a little of the weight off.

Second, I had a job interview a few days ago.  I can’t say too much about it, but I walked out feeling like it went well and I at least knew I did my best.  From there, we’ll see if I happen to be what they’re looking for.

…I just fell asleep at my keyboard.  Good drugs.

Right, so, I am feeling good on the job search front thus far, but of course there are always so many factors that go into why an employer hires one person instead of another (or in this case, one person instead of any one of the other 400 applicants) so I’m trying to get myself into headspace where I won’t beat myself up over not getting it if I don’t.

Third, Finn and I are officially moving at the end of this month.  We are super excited, our new apartment is very close to the city, public transportation, and our friends.  Living in the ‘burbs for a year was nice, and I think it was good for Finn to see that she wouldn’t end up killing herself out here.  There are definitely some things I’m going to miss, like the awesome library 5 minutes away and having a yard (even though we didn’t really use it, since the weather has been so rainy/muggy all summer) and a driveway (no fighting over on-street parking!) and a garage (no shoveling snow off the car!) but like I said, the new place is gorgeous and convenient and overall I’m really excited to be back in the city.  It’s also cheaper (not the rent itself, which is the same, but heating and cooling will be cheaper, we won’t have to pay for yardwork, we won’t have to take our own trash to the dump, we won’t have to shovel our own driveway, etc. – saving us money and time).  Plus, Cali is moving back so she’ll be right around the corner!

I had my wisdom teeth out this morning.  I had been ridiculously nervous about the process – I am not one for letting go of control, so the idea of getting drugs that were going to make me so loopy that I wouldn’t mind that I was having 4 teeth ripped out of my head scared me more than the actual procedure itself.  (Though it didn’t help that people kept telling me horror stories either – what’s up with that, people?  So uncool.)  But it went fine, I actually LOVED the drugs, and I just dozed and listened to my ipod (“teethout mix”) while he was doing his thing.  The groggy, bloody aftermath wasn’t so fun, but once I got home and Finn tucked me in, drugged me, and made sure I was covered in ice, things improved.  I proceeded to sleep through 3 movies, and now I’m actually feeling close to human (though still resembling a hamster, no worries).

Oh dear, I think I’m rambling.

When I add up everything that has/had to be done this month, it’s a little overwhelming: I have to get all of my cases at work ready to transfer to other attorneys and do all the million other closing-out things that need to be done when one leaves a job; I have to go on interviews and really get into the job search process; I have to pack up the whole house (and may I add that Finn is out of town at school for 2 weeks this month, so who do you think is going to be doing most of the packing??) and move into the new place; and I had to have a scary chimpunk-face-transplant surgery.  Maybe it’s more than the drugs making me so tired right now.

I wish I were still at the beach.  That trip deserves a proper post of its own, really.  I had so much fun, it was so awesome to see Rev’s place, meet her pup, and traipse around DC with her, and then road trip down to the beach.  There I turned slightly more flesh-colored (didn’t even burn much – score!) and got to hang with the family (and especially with my brother’s girlfriend’s son, who’s 3 and LOVES me) and spend quality time with everyone.  I slept and lounged, read, played on the beach, ate about 3 times more than I normally do of heavy, greasy, delicious southern foods, and really just quite enjoyed myself.  Told my siblings about the engagement and they were thrilled, which was sweet.

Seriously rambling.  I can’t think of a way to end this and I’m feeling too woozy to bother reading it over.  Oh, wait, here’s a good way to end – this applies both to my whining about my teeth hurting and also about the million things I have to do this month.  As my Grandma would say:

deal, dammit

1 Comment

Filed under anticipation, anxiety, Cali, Finn, love, Rev, sickyface, vacation all i ever wanted

.vent.

These past few days have been a blur of stress and anxiety.  I flit back and forth between the hospital and the real world – on the one hand a tiny, airless flourescent-buzzed room filled with wires, tubes, one very ailing sister, my mother so tense and strained from 10 days of advocacy, caregiving, fighting with doctors and nurses that she is shaking and can’t stop; on the other hand my family’s house, trying to make sure everyone is eating, taking care of the various and sundry pets, checking in on the news (Holocaust Museum shooter, Iran election riots, lovely), laundry, errands, and sleep when it comes…

I am – we are all – stressed.

Fortunately, my sister is (presumably) not suffering from anything life-threatening – they’ve ruled out all the Very Scary Things.  She has still-undiagnosed severe abdominal pain requiring frequent intravenous pain meds.  Unfortunately, some combination of those pain meds, a possible electrolyte imbalance, and her body’s general exhaustion after being a hospital guinea pig for the past 10 days caused her to have a seizure a few days ago that pretty much traumatized myself, my little brother, and my grandmother for life.  One minute she was fine, the next she was seizing (the possibility of which was never explained to us, despite the fact that a simple Google search of her pain medication very clearly states that any significant use can lead to seizures.  Thanks for letting us know, assholes.  Your medical system at work.)  Of course the seizure happened during the half-hour that my father convinced my mother to let him take her out to lunch, as she hadn’t set foot outside the hospital in 7 days.

Anyway, it was scary.  Terrifying, actually.  Of course now we know she’s fine, now we know it was just (“just”) a seizure, but at the time… machines were going off, nurses were running around yelling, they shut us out of the room and wouldn’t tell us what was happening, my grandmother was in hysterics, my little brother looked like he was about to pass out, we hear my sister making all these horrible noises and every time we open the door we see her shaking uncontrollably… it was bad.  But she’s fine now.

And I’m just venting.  The role I play in my family is the very put-together, responsible oldest child, making sure needs are met, taking care of what needs to be taken care of so my parents can focus on my sister.  Though this has been a very stressful time for everyone, I’ve only cried twice, and both times on the phone with Finn.  It’s important to me that my family not see me freak out.  It’s important that they feel like they can rely on me.  So I lose it every time I talk to Finn, and poor thing, that’s all she’s really gotten from me since I’ve been here.

In any case, my grandmother and I are off to see a movie, forget the hospital stress for a few hours.  Something stupid, something that doesn’t require a brain.  Sounds about right.

Hope all is well where you are…

2 Comments

Filed under anxiety, Finn, sickyface, The Fam

.superfast update.

My sister has been in the hospital for the last 5 or so days.  They’re not sure what’s wrong with her (and what’s the deal with my family members ending up in the hospital???) but she’s in a lot of pain and completely drugged up on pain meds, and the doctors haven’t been much help up til now.  We think they’re finally starting to hone in on a diagnosis, but she graduates at the end of this week and it’s not looking like she’s going to be able to go.  Which is really sad for her.  Anyway, any good thoughts you could spare would be much appreciated – send ’em her way.  Thanks!

I have been having an awesome few weeks at work.  Been super busy, but loving it.  Feeling like I’m finally starting to hit my stride, and developing some really good, solid relationships with the people I work with.  So it was pretty rough today when my supervisor pulled me into her office to give me an unofficial, unauthorized, non-union-approved heads up that, basically, I should start looking for another job because I was going to be laid off soon.  Then, tonight, I get an email from the union with management’s proposal: August 28th will be my last day, barring some MAJOR union intervention (unlikely) or an act of God (also fairly unlikely).  I’m actually not as upset about it as I thought I’d be – probably because they’ve been telling me I was going to be laid off since about February – but the situation is really, really shitty.  I just want to be allowed to keep my crappy salary and work for poor people, dammit!  Is that so much to ask???  Sigh.  But I’m trying to stay open, stay positive, try and look at this as an opportunity for growth.  I am really going to miss that job though.

Anyway.  I leave for the Southland tomorrow to see the fam, visit sis in the hospital, and (perhaps) see her walk at graduation.  Hell, I’ll push her in a wheelchair if it comes to that.  I haven’t finished packing, so I suppose I should get to that…

2 Comments

Filed under anxiety, new leaf, The Fam