I just had dinner with an old high school friend of mine. After all the requisite catching-up (and a few margaritas) we kind of cut to the chase. She doesn’t have many friends where she is. I don’t have many friends where I am.
How do grown ups make friends?
Okay, yes, so I know the standard answers: take a class. Go to a meetup. Join a [church/club/organization].
But what about those of us who are introverts, and who find the idea of going to a class/meetup/club all by oneself kind of overwhelming and scary? And really – are there tons of BFFs walking around who met in adult ed classes? Honestly.
It’s just that in high school, I had a handful of superclosefriends, and a rather large collection of acquaintances. In college, same. In law school, I had fewer acquaintances, but a pretty solid core of people I adored. Thing is, many of them have moved. So now… I’m kind of running on empty, in the friend department. I mean, I’m crazy about the ones who are still around in the day-to-day, don’t get me wrong. (And of course I still dearly love the ones who’ve moved, or are otherwise not a part of my everyday.) But when I’m feeling lonely or bored or excited or sad or giggly and I need someone to MEET ME FOR DINNER RIGHT NOW… well, there’s a pretty short list of people I can call on for that. And that kind of sucks. Sigh.
(Yeah, I know, what happened to that calm contented girl who was blogging yesterday?)
So, alright, there’s a lesson in everything, yes? I’ve already said that this feels like a more solitary time, a time for recharging, for purging and clearing out and airing and making space. So maybe the lesson is in embracing that.
…Or, of course, the lesson could just as easily be in learning how to fight through the solitude and make friends. (This is the problem with lessons from the universe. You never get to see the damn lesson plans.)
Maybe it’s just a lesson in chilling the fuck out and not drinking so many margaritas that I get all schmoopy about not having friends.
I guess that’s good enough, for now.