Monthly Archives: June 2010

.how do grown ups make friends?.

I just had dinner with an old high school friend of mine.  After all the requisite catching-up (and a few margaritas) we kind of cut to the chase.  She doesn’t have many friends where she is.  I don’t have many friends where I am.

How do grown ups make friends?

Okay, yes, so I know the standard answers: take a class.  Go to a meetup.  Join a [church/club/organization].

But what about those of us who are introverts, and who find the idea of going to a class/meetup/club all by oneself kind of overwhelming and scary?  And really – are there tons of BFFs walking around who met in adult ed classes?  Honestly.

It’s just that in high school, I had a handful of superclosefriends, and a rather large collection of acquaintances.  In college, same.  In law school, I had fewer acquaintances, but a pretty solid core of people I adored.  Thing is, many of them have moved.  So now… I’m kind of running on empty, in the friend department.  I mean, I’m crazy about the ones who are still around in the day-to-day, don’t get me wrong.  (And of course I still dearly love the ones who’ve moved, or are otherwise not a part of my everyday.)  But when I’m feeling lonely or bored or excited or sad or giggly and I need someone to MEET ME FOR DINNER RIGHT NOW… well, there’s a pretty short list of people I can call on for that.  And that kind of sucks.  Sigh.

(Yeah, I know, what happened to that calm contented girl who was blogging yesterday?)

So, alright, there’s a lesson in everything, yes?  I’ve already said that this feels like a more solitary time, a time for recharging, for purging and clearing out and airing and making space.  So maybe the lesson is in embracing that.

Or, of course, the lesson could just as easily be in learning how to fight through the solitude and make friends.  (This is the problem with lessons from the universe.  You never get to see the damn lesson plans.)

Maybe it’s just a lesson in chilling the fuck out and not drinking so many margaritas that I get all schmoopy about not having friends.

I guess that’s good enough, for now.

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Filed under eagle death roll, navel-gazing

.today.

Last weekend Olive was ordained in the United Church of Christ.  It was a really moving ceremony and such a good example of the way that people are truly called to things.  I cried like a baby.

My world has felt smaller and more full lately.  I think I’m in a paring-down phase – just give me the windows thrown open and a gentle breeze.  I’ve had the urge to throw lots of things away, just move some stuff out.  I do this every once in a while.  It’s a quiet time, a still time.  But I’m just riding it.  I wonder what I’m making room for.

I haven’t been writing much lately.  Just haven’t felt like it, haven’t felt inspired.  Not blocked, exactly, just – well, it probably goes hand-in-hand with the paring phase.  I’m just setting it down for a while.  Trying not to pressure myself into guilt about it.

I’ve been reading a lot more.  Trying to catch up on my sleep.  Last night we went out for dinner with Finn’s midwifery partner and her husband for their 11th anniversary.  They’re only a few years older than us, but we told them they’re our relationship role models, which is the truth.  They’re so obviously in love and solid and drama-free and they just genuinely enjoy one another.  They’re good people and have a great, close-knit family.  It’s pretty awesome to be around.  We went to a fancy-schmancy steakhouse (yeah, I had the steak) and spent way too much money and had a great time.  Worth it.

I feel really peaceful right now.  We just had brunch at our place with Cali and her lady, and Gem.  I feel so lucky to have friends who come over and bring all this random stuff that they have laying around their kitchens and create these delicious simple meals.  We had blueberry buckwheat waffles, an asparagus and bell pepper frittata, rosemary potatoes, bread, coffee.

Off to play the piano for a while…

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Filed under Cali, Finn, Gem, new leaf, Olive, sunshine, the beauty of the in-between