.i build each one of my days out of hope.

I’ve had the line stuck in my head all day:

“I build each one of my days out of hope / and I give that hope your name…”

Oh, Ani.  Way to transport me back to college.

It’s fitting though, as I have been thinking a lot lately about hope and the future how to build the life I want to have.  This fit of introspection has been prompted by ye olde impending layoff, of course (you tired of hearing about that yet?  Because I’m tired of talking about it…) as well as the prospect of possibly moving, and more generally, the feeling that some Major Life Changes are shifting into high gear.  And while I would suspect myself of being the type to – how shall I say this – freak the fuck out about said Major Life Changes, I’ve surprised myself with the attitude I’ve so far adopted: somewhat zen Buddhist, a quiet acceptance, que sera sera and all that.  I’ve done all I can do, the rest is out of my hands.  In a way, this is freeing.  It’s not so bad, this whole letting go thing.

In fact, surprisingly, it feels like a moment brimming with opportunity.  How often do we get to start over?

Don’t get me wrong, not every day has been filled with this let-the-world-take-me-where-it-may feeling.  But overall, I have felt rather… hopeful.  I am convinced that I’ll end up where I ought to be, and I will learn from that place, and then I will move on.  In the meantime, I will try not to ruin this day with worry.  I will be where I am, and I’ll enjoy it while I’m here.

And really, the view could be worse.

::  we negotiate with chaos for some sense of satisfaction

if you won’t give it to me at least give me

a better view

come here

stand in front of the light

stand still

so I can see your silhouette

I hope

that you have got all night

cuz I’m not done looking

no I’m not done looking

yet.

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3 Comments

Filed under anticipation, quotables, the beauty of the in-between

3 responses to “.i build each one of my days out of hope.

  1. bootstrap

    hiya.

    i love you! it is so nice to visit your blog now and then and just check in. no substitute for the real thing, of course, but nice nonetheless.

    i too will try not to ruin this day with worry. i don’t know how we get into this mess, this whole big worrified frenzy mess.

    when you getting hitched? lovelove

  2. love you too! miss you like the dickens, for what it’s worth.

    we don’t have a date yet for the weddin bells – we keep fluctuating between “we’re so busy, this can wait til next year” and “oh fuck it, we’re just going to the courthouse tomorrow.” assuming there is an event to attend (and i *think* there will be, hah) your attendance will certainly be requested. :)

    xxoo

  3. rachelfirm

    just a quick comment to say that alex and i recently had an ani-filled ride to aville and listening to this song STILL blows me away.

    also i miss you. a lot.

    a.

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