I’ve had the line stuck in my head all day:
“I build each one of my days out of hope / and I give that hope your name…”
Oh, Ani. Way to transport me back to college.
It’s fitting though, as I have been thinking a lot lately about hope and the future how to build the life I want to have. This fit of introspection has been prompted by ye olde impending layoff, of course (you tired of hearing about that yet? Because I’m tired of talking about it…) as well as the prospect of possibly moving, and more generally, the feeling that some Major Life Changes are shifting into high gear. And while I would suspect myself of being the type to – how shall I say this – freak the fuck out about said Major Life Changes, I’ve surprised myself with the attitude I’ve so far adopted: somewhat zen Buddhist, a quiet acceptance, que sera sera and all that. I’ve done all I can do, the rest is out of my hands. In a way, this is freeing. It’s not so bad, this whole letting go thing.
In fact, surprisingly, it feels like a moment brimming with opportunity. How often do we get to start over?
Don’t get me wrong, not every day has been filled with this let-the-world-take-me-where-it-may feeling. But overall, I have felt rather… hopeful. I am convinced that I’ll end up where I ought to be, and I will learn from that place, and then I will move on. In the meantime, I will try not to ruin this day with worry. I will be where I am, and I’ll enjoy it while I’m here.
And really, the view could be worse.
:: we negotiate with chaos for some sense of satisfaction
if you won’t give it to me at least give me
a better view
stand in front of the light
so I can see your silhouette
that you have got all night
cuz I’m not done looking
no I’m not done looking