…because she definitely just put a ring on it.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, Finn and I are officially ENGAGED. ::wiggles::
Unfortunately for those of you who are hoping for a “she proposed on the big screen at halftime at the Sox game” story, because we’re so low-key there’s not really much of a story to it. Mostly we’ve been talking about it for – well, for quite a while now, probably close to a year, and about a month ago Finn decided to get the ball rolling and went to a badass jeweler and had a ring designed for me. (Points for showing initiative!) She told me right after she did it – girl can’t keep a secret to save her life, heh – and she gave it to me last Thursday morning around 7am, when she was coming home from a birth and I was about to leave for work. Our paths crossed, we were standing in the kitchen having a quick hello/goodbye snuggle, she opened the little ring box and helped me put it on, and I’ve been obsessively admiring my hand ever since. It was a proposal that was very… us.
We’re having a ring designed for Finn now, but it won’t be ready for another month or so. Once we have them both, I’ll post pictures. I could try and describe them, but it wouldn’t do them justice. Suffice it to say they are AWESOME. (And non-matching – we have very different styles.)
Anyway. For someone who used to be incredibly anti-marriage – I was never gonna get married, didn’t want to support the institution, hated the idea of conforming to heteronormative ideals, etc. etc. etc. – I recognize that this is kind of an enormous 180. But it feels completely and utterly right. Over the last several years, my ideas on marriage have radically changed (part of my slow realization that all the amazing things one learns as a college student studying postmodernism and gender theory don’t necessarily make sense in application. I suppose I’ve grown to become something of a pragmatist over time and allowed my radical feminism to lie fallow; shh, don’t tell my women’s studies professors!) And of course, within the last few months we’ve all seen this domino line of states suddenly allow marriage equality, which I must admit has affected me more than I ever would have anticipated. Something about knowing that my relationship is equal in the eyes of the law, that my children will know that their parents’ relationship is valued as such, that the slow arc of the universe actually is bending toward justice… I hate to admit that it matters to me, I wish I could say that I am unaffected by this sense of validation, that my relationship would exist just fine without your approval thank you very much – but it matters. Of course same-sex relationships have existed without widespread approval for, well, forever now, and of course marriage equality in a handful of states does not full and true equality make. (And, of course, all the committed same-sex couples living in states where they can’t get married are just as valuable as any other relationship.) I’m not saying this is something that I need, that this community needs – but it’s something I want, something we want, and something we deserve. And it feels good to have it.
Especially when I get to have it with someone as absolutely amazing as Finn.
I could. not. be. more. lucky.