Maybe Twitter is eating my brain, but I’ve felt utterly unable to come up with anything even remotely worthwhile to post here lately. (Could be Twitter… could be SWINE FLU AHHHHH!!!!!!!!) I make no promises that this will be “remotely worthwhile” but I promise there will be some words. And maybe a picture.
The past couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I actually wish I had taken the time to write some of it down, because I can’t really remember what it is I’ve been up to. Lots of running around in the sunshine (!!!) and spending time with lovely people last weekend. Finn and I spent the first half of Saturday with her good friend (and co-midwife) and her husband and their 4 (FOUR) sons, all under the age of eight (FOUR UNDER EIGHT!). I admire them so much – they are some of the most relaxed and laid back parents I’ve ever seen. (My future children should envy that, because I get the feeling I am going to be a little more uptight than that in my parenting… ah well, something to aspire to.) And the boys are incredibly adorable and kind and all around wonderful. It was so much fun to just sit in their kitchen and nibble on food and talk while a whirwind of children ebbed and flowed around us. Reminded me of how insane my house was when I was growing up, actually. An example of their adorable kindness: they were outside playing truth or dare for a while, and all the dares involved things like coming up to one of us and saying, “You look really nice today,” or, “Daddy, I love you so much.” Warmed my heart, I tell ya.
Finn and I spent the rest of the day in Plymouth, seeing sights and walking along the waterfront and just generally enjoying the beautiful weather. I bought a huge set of iron keys on a ring from an antique store that was going out of business. I’m not sure why or what I’m going to do with them, but I have a soft spot for keys without locks…
Work has been insane lately, lots of deadlines and hearings and appeals. Still going through the “I can’t believe this is my life, why did I ever choose to become an attorney” thing about once every three days. I just feel so young and inexperienced to be trusted with these very real problems that have very real consequences in my client’s lives. I’m going to say the thing that no one around me seems to be saying, though I can’t be the only one thinking it: this amount of responsibility is overwhelming, and many days I am scared shitless. Granted, none of my clients are going to end up in jail (see i.e. Cali’s job as a public defender) but if I screw up or drop the ball or don’t advocate as zealously as I possibly can, they may end up homeless, or hungry, &etc. And sure, sometimes that happens even when I do everything right and work as hard as I can. But I don’t feel okay about it even then. I just never ever ever want to let any of them down, so I have to be on top of things all the time. And since there’s only one of me and 40-50 of them at any given moment… well, it feels like a lot. Anyone else feel occasionally (or often) terrified of their job and willing to admit it? It’d make me feel a lot better… ha.
Okay, complaining about my job was not my intention when I started writing this post. I’ve just been feeling overwhelmed lately and haven’t had much time to process that. Oooookay, gotta shake it off and get into a better mental place:
That one never fails to get a giggle out of me.
Okay, so it was a long week. But! This weekend!:
Invited to dinner and a concert, totally ditching to stay home alone and relax. Hermit FTW!
Wake Up The Earth festival in JP
Saturday Seder @samfeasor’s
Finn/Pom lazy morning (most likely will include bacon)
Dinner with one of my best friends from law school who I hardly ever get to see any more (super excited)
…can we postpone Monday?