Monthly Archives: May 2009

.of olives and faith.

Had a recent dinner with Olive and Signe – so much fun, and reminded me of how sad it is that so many of my friends have moved away within the last year or so.  At dinner O and I were recounting the first time we met (she was a mutual friend though two people – she was in grad school with Rev and had gone to undergrad with Cali, oddly enough.  Small damn queer world, eh?)  After sitting next to one another at a grad school function (which I was attending because Rev and I were still in a relationship at the time, and which Olive was attending because, well, she went to grad school there) several of us decided to go out dancing at the local gayladyclub.  Olive and I – having spent the past 2 or so hours sitting next to one another – were basically immediate best friends.  We somehow decided that I would accompany her to her house so she could get gayladyclub-prepared, and then she would accompany me to mine, where I would get similarly prepared – and also, we would take some shots.  (How shots so quickly entered the mix, I do not know… but I like it.)  A small amount of primping and several shots of rum later (rum!  ha) we began the short trek to the club.  On the way Olive’s bra somehow broke, and we got hopelessly lost, both I think mostly due to the drunkenness.  And from that point forward, we were inseparable (in mind, if not body.  We actually often refer to ourselves in the singular as “The Brain” because we fairly consistently say the same things at the same time with the same inflection.  It’s odd.  But again… I like it.)

In sum, I present the Beautiful Friendship Equation:

first hangout

+ team rum!

+ bra sighting

+ no sense of direction

= long-lasting bond.

Seriously, for all that she is something of a trauma magnet (we’re talking about the woman who has set her hair on fire, and once fell off a roof and… well, I’ll quit while I’m ahead) she is also the kind of person who walks in and shifts the energy of any room for the better.  Got her finger on the pulse of joy, that one.  Man I miss her.

In other news… I told my mom about the engagement.  It went pretty much the way I expected, which I can live with.  That is, I told her, and she cried, and said that she was happy that I was happy but she would need some time.  And then we changed the subject.  In more adorable news, though, Finn’s parents sent us flowers last weekend with a card that read, “We both woke up this morning with a big smile on our faces because of your engagement.  We love you!”

Maybe this is just a defense mechanism, but I have to believe things will work out with my family in the end.  I keep reminding myself that they’ve really come so far – nary a quotation of scripture to speak of following the marriage announcement, which would have been standard fare not so many years ago – and I keep hoping that over time this will feel like the norm to them.  I’ve been through the worst; I have my foot in the door.  And I was surprised to find that my mom’s response didn’t feel like rejection to me.  I knew she would be upset; she was upset; I told her I understood; she told me she was happy for me; we dealt.  We’ll see how the aftermath plays out, but I have faith.  Perhaps I shouldn’t, but I do.  And isn’t that what faith is?

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Filed under Cali, Finn, marriage, memories, Olive, Rev, The Fam

.i guess she liked it.

…because she definitely just put a ring on it.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, Finn and I are officially ENGAGED.  ::wiggles::

Unfortunately for those of you who are hoping for a “she proposed on the big screen at halftime at the Sox game” story, because we’re so low-key there’s not really much of a story to it.  Mostly we’ve been talking about it for – well, for quite a while now, probably close to a year, and about a month ago Finn decided to get the ball rolling and went to a badass jeweler and had a ring designed for me.  (Points for showing initiative!)  She told me right after she did it – girl can’t keep a secret to save her life, heh – and she gave it to me last Thursday morning around 7am, when she was coming home from a birth and I was about to leave for work.  Our paths crossed, we were standing in the kitchen having a quick hello/goodbye snuggle, she opened the little ring box and helped me put it on, and I’ve been obsessively admiring my hand ever since.  It was a proposal that was very… us.

We’re having a ring designed for Finn now, but it won’t be ready for another month or so.  Once we have them both, I’ll post pictures.  I could try and describe them, but it wouldn’t do them justice.  Suffice it to say they are AWESOME.  (And non-matching – we have very different styles.)

Anyway.  For someone who used to be incredibly anti-marriage – I was never gonna get married, didn’t want to support the institution, hated the idea of conforming to heteronormative ideals, etc. etc. etc. – I recognize that this is kind of an enormous 180.  But it feels completely and utterly right.  Over the last several years, my ideas on marriage have radically changed (part of my slow realization that all the amazing things one learns as a college student studying postmodernism and gender theory don’t necessarily make sense in application.  I suppose I’ve grown to become something of a pragmatist over time and allowed my radical feminism to lie fallow; shh, don’t tell my women’s studies professors!)   And of course, within the last few months we’ve all seen this domino line of states suddenly allow marriage equality, which I must admit has affected me more than I ever would have anticipated.  Something about knowing that my relationship is equal in the eyes of the law, that my children will know that their parents’ relationship is valued as such, that the slow arc of the universe actually is bending toward justice… I hate to admit that it matters to me, I wish I could say that I am unaffected by this sense of validation, that my relationship would exist just fine without your approval thank you very much – but it matters.  Of course same-sex relationships have existed without widespread approval for, well, forever now, and of course marriage equality in a handful of states does not full and true equality make.  (And, of course, all the committed same-sex couples living in states where they can’t get married are just as valuable as any other relationship.)  I’m not saying this is something that I need, that this community needs – but it’s something I want, something we want, and something we deserve.  And it feels good to have it.

Especially when I get to have it with someone as absolutely amazing as Finn.

I could. not. be. more. lucky.

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Filed under Finn, love, marriage

.breaking news.

My baby sister is graduating from high school next month.

I feel old.

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Filed under The Fam

.this is what i’ve been missing.

…since I haven’t been working out lately.

Holy mother of hotness, Jillian.  Okay, okay, tomorrow, I’m back on the wagon, I swear.

Dayum.

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Filed under girlcrush

.worthwhile, remotely.

Maybe Twitter is eating my brain, but I’ve felt utterly unable to come up with anything even remotely worthwhile to post here lately.  (Could be Twitter… could be SWINE FLU AHHHHH!!!!!!!!)  I make no promises that this will be “remotely worthwhile” but I promise there will be some words.  And maybe a picture.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty busy.  I actually wish I had taken the time to write some of it down, because I can’t really remember what it is I’ve been up to.  Lots of running around in the sunshine (!!!) and spending time with lovely people last weekend.  Finn and I spent the first half of Saturday with her good friend (and co-midwife) and her husband and their 4 (FOUR) sons, all under the age of eight (FOUR UNDER EIGHT!).  I admire them so much – they are some of the most relaxed and laid back parents I’ve ever seen.  (My future children should envy that, because I get the feeling I am going to be a little more uptight than that in my parenting… ah well, something to aspire to.)  And the boys are incredibly adorable and kind and all around wonderful.  It was so much fun to just sit in their kitchen and nibble on food and talk while a whirwind of children ebbed and flowed around us.  Reminded me of how insane my house was when I was growing up, actually.  An example of their adorable kindness: they were outside playing truth or dare for a while, and all the dares involved things like coming up to one of us and saying, “You look really nice today,” or, “Daddy, I love you so much.”  Warmed my heart, I tell ya.

Finn and I spent the rest of the day in Plymouth, seeing sights and walking along the waterfront and just generally enjoying the beautiful weather.  I bought a huge set of iron keys on a ring from an antique store that was going out of business.  I’m not sure why or what I’m going to do with them, but I have a soft spot for keys without locks…

Work has been insane lately, lots of deadlines and hearings and appeals.  Still going through the “I can’t believe this is my life, why did I ever choose to become an attorney” thing about once every three days.  I just feel so young and inexperienced to be trusted with these very real problems that have very real consequences in my client’s lives.  I’m going to say the thing that no one around me seems to be saying, though I can’t be the only one thinking it: this amount of responsibility is overwhelming, and many days I am scared shitless.  Granted, none of my clients are going to end up in jail (see i.e. Cali’s job as a public defender) but if I screw up or drop the ball or don’t advocate as zealously as I possibly can, they may end up homeless, or hungry, &etc.  And sure, sometimes that happens even when I do everything right and work as hard as I can.  But I don’t feel okay about it even then.  I just never ever ever want to let any of them down, so I have to be on top of things all the time.  And since there’s only one of me and 40-50 of them at any given moment… well, it feels like a lot.  Anyone else feel occasionally (or often) terrified of their job and willing to admit it?  It’d make me feel a lot better… ha.

Okay, complaining about my job was not my intention when I started writing this post.  I’ve just been feeling overwhelmed lately and haven’t had much time to process that.  Oooookay, gotta shake it off and get into a better mental place:

That one never fails to get a giggle out of me.

Okay, so it was a long week.  But!  This weekend!:

Friday

Invited to dinner and a concert, totally ditching to stay home alone and relax.  Hermit FTW!

Saturday

Wake Up The Earth festival in JP

Saturday Seder @samfeasor’s

Sunday

Finn/Pom lazy morning (most likely will include bacon)

Dinner with one of my best friends from law school who I hardly ever get to see any more (super excited)

…can we postpone Monday?

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Filed under @samfeasor, anxiety, Finn, ohmygod i'm a lawyer, type A personality: check